New Blog

I changed my blog address to...

http://carlystraker.wordpress.com

Come see me there sometime.

Peace.

loving life. giving the fingernails a chance.

People who read this might be thinking my life these days is a little intense and dark even. Here I am writting blogs about rape or the oppression of Muslim women. Not the kind of things that will necessarily put a smile on your face or make you feel happy inside. You got me there.

The thing is though, Im loving life. Im always loving life. I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot that makes me happy, inspired, grateful... I am surrounded by people who fill my heart up like crazy. If you're an avid "Live Now" blog reader, the young girls I talked about and wrote poems about are some of the greatest people I know. I am so blessed by having them in my life. I get to hang out with Andrew everyday, and a lot of days I get to watch him tease, joke with and hang around some of these same teens. I mean seriously, how much better can it get? My heart totally melts like on those sick, gag me romantic movies. I know, I never thought I'd be one of those girls. For real. After 30 days I used to run like my life depended on it.

Then there are days like today when I get to go to North Central and tutor a grade 5 girl then take her to Tim Hortons for an Iced Capp and just chat about nothing. Learn about her life, how her dad got a new car and her older sister got a full scholorship for her highschool education. Those things make my day for sure.

I write about deep things sometimes. A lot even. My heart is drawn to that stuff, to those people. I was made that way. But I also carry joy. When you read things that are sad, hard to hear, or depressing even, know that I write with optimism in that we have hope, and the power to change what hurts us. We have each other to offer help to in the rough times, and to dance with in the good times. We have Jesus who taught us how to live and how to love. The same guy who gives us chance after chance after chance to get it right.

If you are sick of hearing about deep and maybe depressing stuff, I don't mean to wear you out. I don't mean to drag any spirits down. I write about the life that happens around me. The stuff I happen to see and be a part of. It is what inspires me, and I hope it can inspire you too. It is the stuff that moves me, pushes me and yes, sometimes breaks me. But that's life. And to have joy isn't necessarily to have continual happiness. There can be joy in sorrow. It is different, deeper, and real. It moves with the motion of life, not against it or with a dependance on the circumstances. It keeps the spirit strong and dependant on it's source.

In other news...I quit biting my nails and I retired my belly button ring - 7 years, good times.

"Submission" (part one)

You should watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXGZBs65qMs
If you can't connect with the link, go to U Tube and search for "Submission." You will find it no problem.

The video deals with the oppression of Muslim women in so many countries. The video is a prayer of one of these women to Allah, the Muslim God.

This short film was made by Theo van Gogh who was a Dutch movie maker and the brother of Vincent Van Gogh, who we all know as the famous painter/artist. The film was made with Ayaan Hirsi Ali who is currently working on "Submission Part 2."

Theo Van Gogh was killed by a Muslim fanatic in 2004 because of this film. His killer was 26 years old and attached a 5 page note to his body after killing him on the spot - Van Gogh was bicycling on the way to work at the time of his murder. Mohammed Bouyeri was arrested and sentanced to life in prison with no chance of parole. Not only did he shoot Van Gogh 8 times (among other things that I will leave out - google it if interested) but he did so with the intention of assasinating his film associate, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, next.

Apparently the oppression of Muslim women, and the nature of the Muslim God should not be questioned or challenged.

Theo Van Gogh is remembered and celebrated as "A martyr of free expression."

worth the read? you decide.

In a matter of seconds I go from shaking my head in frustration and disbelief to wiping tears from my eyes or letting them fall on Andrew's shoulder. I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins, my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. But I am also surrounded by young women (and older women) who haven't had the same experiences with men as I have. Their's are the opposite.

I have had too many conversations with "my girls" where they tearfully tell me that they were raped or sexually assaulted by a stranger or more commonly, by a friend or aquaintance. I wish the world, and those boys, could see the faces of these girls in that moment. To feel what they feel inside. To feel like nothing. To feel empty and confused. To feel violated by someone they trusted and opened their hearts to. At that moment, nothing else in the world matters except for that beautiful and broken person sitting in front of you. Nothing matters more than to tell her that it wasn't her fault despite any and all circumstances. To tell her that she has and will always have support, a trusted friend, and a source of help in you and the people around her.

It is sad that at such young ages we are conditioned to expect bad behaviour from men and to learn to distrust them. What about the amazing men? The good guys? Because of the "dirtbags" (as my big brother would call them) they too are stereotyped and mistrusted. Sometimes they don't even get a fighting chance. (But seriously, thanks for being who you are).

We try to point fingers at specific types of people or distinct things like people who are anti-social, or the media as the causes of these "incidences." But the truth is that there is no single cause or influence, but are many. We are constantly bombarded with messages of romanticized violence and the association of that same violence with sex. We hear lies that rape is something women actually want or enjoy. That no really means yes - it is just that women don't want to come off as sluts or be labelled as "easy" or "loose." Nice language huh? Welcome to the world of young girls (and boys) everywhere.

The problem is not that women do not know how to protect themselves and the issue does not lie in the woman's choice of dress or the places she hangs out at. It is not the fact that she is out late at night and it is dark outside. When we make statements like this, we are only adding to the problem by yet again, placing the blame on the victims rather than the assailants.

The real problem is that women have to worry about these things in the first place. The problem is that there are men out there (not all men) who think that it is their right to control, place power over, and abuse women simply because they are women. Because they are weak, small, or less than man. This is also true for gay men. How many hate crimes have been committed against them because of their sexual orientaion? Way too many that's for sure. And Im not even going to get into the language we use that constantly belittles and implies the insignificance of women and gay men. It is sad to me that the words "girl" and "homo" or "gay" are used to insult rather than used for their true meaning - a persons identity. Maybe we should consider that the way we talk reflects our thinking patterns and underlying thought processes...that these "social norms" or "language norms" are more hurtful and destructive than we give thought or credit to.

This is probably a little too long and a little too deep for a Friday night, but it goes on whether we acknowledge it or not. God created us with the power to choose and to change. We have the ability and responsibiliy to teach our children, youth, and peers how to treat women. How to respect them, treasure them and value them rather than to dehumanize them. Afterall, we are your sisters, daughters, mothers, and friends.

Minoritys and activist groups (ie: feminists) will always stand up for themselves and fight for their rights and beliefs. But how much more powerful would it be if even a small percentage of the dominant group stood up and fought for them as well? (I know some of you do).

I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins,my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. To all of you guys - you are the heros, the ones who get it, and the ones I hope the world looks up to and learns from.


From the mouths and hearts of those broken...

"I didn't tell you for so long because I didn't want it to change the way you thought of me."

"Ive never told anyone or said it outloud because then it would be real."

"I thought that If there really was a god, why would he let this happen to me?"

"I forgot how to feel. It was like I was numb. I dissapeared. I didn't even go out in public anymore."

to violate a friend

Who are you, so handsome
to overpower me
when I say stop?
to hold me down
to kiss my face

dont tell me its okay
as if this was what i wanted
just go.

You were a good one
so I thought
with a smile that made me laugh outloud
and no one will ever know
because to speak the words make it real.

This can't be real.

And you walk away like nothing happened
like you weren't wrong.
with no guilt
no consequence
who were you to decide?

...to violate a friend...

When you pass me, keep your eyes on the floor
because I will always look you in the eye.

And someday I will find my voice.
Someday you will shrink to size.

Its the small people who crave power.

closer

i can't understand you
or the words im supposed to live by
lost faith in institutions
lost grace towards the faithful
a deeper faith in you.

i dont want to miss this
you find me here to tell me I am yours.
you are love -
and love is what rescues us
Im dying to know you
even when I run away.

your blood is in my tears
teach me grace
teach me Jesus
falling at the feet of the world
reaching out to the unknown

you dont live in our misrepresentations -
our traditions, our opinions, our judgements
but in a world so different than we have created for ourselves.
reaching out and waiting...
"try me. test me. you decide."

March (the month, not the action).

I have these moments when I really wish I could just blog out all the things that are happening, things I am seeing, etc...but in most of these moments, I am no where near a computer or I am just doing other things that I don't want to walk away from for a compter! So here I am days later with too much to say.

Some people have been asking me about Andrew, so here's the news. On Sunday (March 11) he is booked for his RCMP polygraph test. This is the last stage of his application, so we will let you know the news when we hear it. And yes, I have submitted my questions! (haha).

As for my work/school/future...I got my acceptance letter on Friday - I am now "officially" in the Social Work program at the University of Regina! Woop Woop! I love it so far and am excited for next years classes and experience! I am volunteering at the North Central Family Centre as a part of my program - and because my heart took me there. And oh man, do I love it so far! I haven't done a ton yet, but I met the kids, had some conversations, and fell in love with my work there within the first 30 seconds! That is another blog entry in itself - coming soon. :)

Andrew's parents, Darryl and Janice have been here for the last two weekends which was so much fun. (Darryl - we forgot to play Sequence!) Last weekend though, was a hard one for their family, and even for me as a complete stranger to many of them. Andrew's first cousin Chris was killed in a car accident at such a young age. Among many broken hearts and questions, it was also an amazing example of what family is. The people who hold you, cry with you, hurt for you, laugh with you, remember with you, and love you in good days and through the hard ones.

If you live here, you might be like me and have wet slush on the hems of your pants. That makes me excited. Andrew and I have been "playing in the snow" a lot lately. Last weekend we spent Saturday afternoon climbing up onto the garage roof and jumping off into the huge snow drifts in the backyard. Shannon came out for that one too. Andrew, in all of his boyness, probably found it natural to attack us with snow at one point, but we got our revenge later on as we pushed snow off the roof onto Andrew below! Dont mess with us. We are the garage roof queens. Then last night, Andrew and me went for a walk and played in the snow for a couple hours. We found ourselves at the IMAX/Science Centre playground and couldn't just walk past. You can make your own thunder and lift the world. We climbed up big snow piles then slid down, saw some snowshoers, and before we made it back home, Andrew taught me some James Bond moves. He's much better than me. I usually ended up at the top of the snow drift instead of on the other side. I guess if it was real-life James Bond, I would have been toast. Phewf.

Speaking of Andrew, he just called for a ride home, so Im out.

Sometimes a girl just has to bop

I'm in a groove today. I went to school for a few hours, witnessed my first student rally, got two psychology classes transferred into my social work program (!), talked to my beautiful gramma (or should I say laughed with my gramma), and cleaned out my room/got some clothes ready to give to VV Boutique (Value Village). I had my music up loud, and bopped the whole time. That is one of my favourite things - Bopping to loud music while Im doing, well, anything. Sometimes Andrew will call and has to ask me if Im having a party. Usually Im just doing the dishes, or doing nothing. Sometimes a girl just has to bop. Shannon would agree with me. We want to be back up dancers. You can guess which one of us wants to be a backup dancer for Michael Jackson...I know you guys would love to see that.

It's a good day. My grampa told me when I was a little girl that he woke up every morning and said to himself "This is the day that the lord has made. I will be glad and rejoice in it." He is very wise, and I want to be like him. Today, I am. Today I have a lot of joy. And speaking of my grampa, you should see him bop. At a wedding this summer, he pulled me out of my chair and we rocked the dance floor and laughed the entire time. Then there's my dad, and boy can he dance. He and my mom turn 50 this year and it is SO much fun watching them - they're awesome! And it is so much fun dancing with dad - He's a good teacher in many ways! Anyways, you get the point. Whether it is through the people in my life, my classes at school, my job, or just knowing that I am his child, God gives me joy. And this is just another day to rejoice in.

I'm out. I gotta bop over to see Andrew! (He's fabulous).