worth the read? you decide.

In a matter of seconds I go from shaking my head in frustration and disbelief to wiping tears from my eyes or letting them fall on Andrew's shoulder. I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins, my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. But I am also surrounded by young women (and older women) who haven't had the same experiences with men as I have. Their's are the opposite.

I have had too many conversations with "my girls" where they tearfully tell me that they were raped or sexually assaulted by a stranger or more commonly, by a friend or aquaintance. I wish the world, and those boys, could see the faces of these girls in that moment. To feel what they feel inside. To feel like nothing. To feel empty and confused. To feel violated by someone they trusted and opened their hearts to. At that moment, nothing else in the world matters except for that beautiful and broken person sitting in front of you. Nothing matters more than to tell her that it wasn't her fault despite any and all circumstances. To tell her that she has and will always have support, a trusted friend, and a source of help in you and the people around her.

It is sad that at such young ages we are conditioned to expect bad behaviour from men and to learn to distrust them. What about the amazing men? The good guys? Because of the "dirtbags" (as my big brother would call them) they too are stereotyped and mistrusted. Sometimes they don't even get a fighting chance. (But seriously, thanks for being who you are).

We try to point fingers at specific types of people or distinct things like people who are anti-social, or the media as the causes of these "incidences." But the truth is that there is no single cause or influence, but are many. We are constantly bombarded with messages of romanticized violence and the association of that same violence with sex. We hear lies that rape is something women actually want or enjoy. That no really means yes - it is just that women don't want to come off as sluts or be labelled as "easy" or "loose." Nice language huh? Welcome to the world of young girls (and boys) everywhere.

The problem is not that women do not know how to protect themselves and the issue does not lie in the woman's choice of dress or the places she hangs out at. It is not the fact that she is out late at night and it is dark outside. When we make statements like this, we are only adding to the problem by yet again, placing the blame on the victims rather than the assailants.

The real problem is that women have to worry about these things in the first place. The problem is that there are men out there (not all men) who think that it is their right to control, place power over, and abuse women simply because they are women. Because they are weak, small, or less than man. This is also true for gay men. How many hate crimes have been committed against them because of their sexual orientaion? Way too many that's for sure. And Im not even going to get into the language we use that constantly belittles and implies the insignificance of women and gay men. It is sad to me that the words "girl" and "homo" or "gay" are used to insult rather than used for their true meaning - a persons identity. Maybe we should consider that the way we talk reflects our thinking patterns and underlying thought processes...that these "social norms" or "language norms" are more hurtful and destructive than we give thought or credit to.

This is probably a little too long and a little too deep for a Friday night, but it goes on whether we acknowledge it or not. God created us with the power to choose and to change. We have the ability and responsibiliy to teach our children, youth, and peers how to treat women. How to respect them, treasure them and value them rather than to dehumanize them. Afterall, we are your sisters, daughters, mothers, and friends.

Minoritys and activist groups (ie: feminists) will always stand up for themselves and fight for their rights and beliefs. But how much more powerful would it be if even a small percentage of the dominant group stood up and fought for them as well? (I know some of you do).

I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins,my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. To all of you guys - you are the heros, the ones who get it, and the ones I hope the world looks up to and learns from.


From the mouths and hearts of those broken...

"I didn't tell you for so long because I didn't want it to change the way you thought of me."

"Ive never told anyone or said it outloud because then it would be real."

"I thought that If there really was a god, why would he let this happen to me?"

"I forgot how to feel. It was like I was numb. I dissapeared. I didn't even go out in public anymore."