loving life. giving the fingernails a chance.

People who read this might be thinking my life these days is a little intense and dark even. Here I am writting blogs about rape or the oppression of Muslim women. Not the kind of things that will necessarily put a smile on your face or make you feel happy inside. You got me there.

The thing is though, Im loving life. Im always loving life. I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot that makes me happy, inspired, grateful... I am surrounded by people who fill my heart up like crazy. If you're an avid "Live Now" blog reader, the young girls I talked about and wrote poems about are some of the greatest people I know. I am so blessed by having them in my life. I get to hang out with Andrew everyday, and a lot of days I get to watch him tease, joke with and hang around some of these same teens. I mean seriously, how much better can it get? My heart totally melts like on those sick, gag me romantic movies. I know, I never thought I'd be one of those girls. For real. After 30 days I used to run like my life depended on it.

Then there are days like today when I get to go to North Central and tutor a grade 5 girl then take her to Tim Hortons for an Iced Capp and just chat about nothing. Learn about her life, how her dad got a new car and her older sister got a full scholorship for her highschool education. Those things make my day for sure.

I write about deep things sometimes. A lot even. My heart is drawn to that stuff, to those people. I was made that way. But I also carry joy. When you read things that are sad, hard to hear, or depressing even, know that I write with optimism in that we have hope, and the power to change what hurts us. We have each other to offer help to in the rough times, and to dance with in the good times. We have Jesus who taught us how to live and how to love. The same guy who gives us chance after chance after chance to get it right.

If you are sick of hearing about deep and maybe depressing stuff, I don't mean to wear you out. I don't mean to drag any spirits down. I write about the life that happens around me. The stuff I happen to see and be a part of. It is what inspires me, and I hope it can inspire you too. It is the stuff that moves me, pushes me and yes, sometimes breaks me. But that's life. And to have joy isn't necessarily to have continual happiness. There can be joy in sorrow. It is different, deeper, and real. It moves with the motion of life, not against it or with a dependance on the circumstances. It keeps the spirit strong and dependant on it's source.

In other news...I quit biting my nails and I retired my belly button ring - 7 years, good times.

"Submission" (part one)

You should watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXGZBs65qMs
If you can't connect with the link, go to U Tube and search for "Submission." You will find it no problem.

The video deals with the oppression of Muslim women in so many countries. The video is a prayer of one of these women to Allah, the Muslim God.

This short film was made by Theo van Gogh who was a Dutch movie maker and the brother of Vincent Van Gogh, who we all know as the famous painter/artist. The film was made with Ayaan Hirsi Ali who is currently working on "Submission Part 2."

Theo Van Gogh was killed by a Muslim fanatic in 2004 because of this film. His killer was 26 years old and attached a 5 page note to his body after killing him on the spot - Van Gogh was bicycling on the way to work at the time of his murder. Mohammed Bouyeri was arrested and sentanced to life in prison with no chance of parole. Not only did he shoot Van Gogh 8 times (among other things that I will leave out - google it if interested) but he did so with the intention of assasinating his film associate, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, next.

Apparently the oppression of Muslim women, and the nature of the Muslim God should not be questioned or challenged.

Theo Van Gogh is remembered and celebrated as "A martyr of free expression."

worth the read? you decide.

In a matter of seconds I go from shaking my head in frustration and disbelief to wiping tears from my eyes or letting them fall on Andrew's shoulder. I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins, my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. But I am also surrounded by young women (and older women) who haven't had the same experiences with men as I have. Their's are the opposite.

I have had too many conversations with "my girls" where they tearfully tell me that they were raped or sexually assaulted by a stranger or more commonly, by a friend or aquaintance. I wish the world, and those boys, could see the faces of these girls in that moment. To feel what they feel inside. To feel like nothing. To feel empty and confused. To feel violated by someone they trusted and opened their hearts to. At that moment, nothing else in the world matters except for that beautiful and broken person sitting in front of you. Nothing matters more than to tell her that it wasn't her fault despite any and all circumstances. To tell her that she has and will always have support, a trusted friend, and a source of help in you and the people around her.

It is sad that at such young ages we are conditioned to expect bad behaviour from men and to learn to distrust them. What about the amazing men? The good guys? Because of the "dirtbags" (as my big brother would call them) they too are stereotyped and mistrusted. Sometimes they don't even get a fighting chance. (But seriously, thanks for being who you are).

We try to point fingers at specific types of people or distinct things like people who are anti-social, or the media as the causes of these "incidences." But the truth is that there is no single cause or influence, but are many. We are constantly bombarded with messages of romanticized violence and the association of that same violence with sex. We hear lies that rape is something women actually want or enjoy. That no really means yes - it is just that women don't want to come off as sluts or be labelled as "easy" or "loose." Nice language huh? Welcome to the world of young girls (and boys) everywhere.

The problem is not that women do not know how to protect themselves and the issue does not lie in the woman's choice of dress or the places she hangs out at. It is not the fact that she is out late at night and it is dark outside. When we make statements like this, we are only adding to the problem by yet again, placing the blame on the victims rather than the assailants.

The real problem is that women have to worry about these things in the first place. The problem is that there are men out there (not all men) who think that it is their right to control, place power over, and abuse women simply because they are women. Because they are weak, small, or less than man. This is also true for gay men. How many hate crimes have been committed against them because of their sexual orientaion? Way too many that's for sure. And Im not even going to get into the language we use that constantly belittles and implies the insignificance of women and gay men. It is sad to me that the words "girl" and "homo" or "gay" are used to insult rather than used for their true meaning - a persons identity. Maybe we should consider that the way we talk reflects our thinking patterns and underlying thought processes...that these "social norms" or "language norms" are more hurtful and destructive than we give thought or credit to.

This is probably a little too long and a little too deep for a Friday night, but it goes on whether we acknowledge it or not. God created us with the power to choose and to change. We have the ability and responsibiliy to teach our children, youth, and peers how to treat women. How to respect them, treasure them and value them rather than to dehumanize them. Afterall, we are your sisters, daughters, mothers, and friends.

Minoritys and activist groups (ie: feminists) will always stand up for themselves and fight for their rights and beliefs. But how much more powerful would it be if even a small percentage of the dominant group stood up and fought for them as well? (I know some of you do).

I grew up surrounded by good men. My dad, my brothers, my grandpas, my uncles, my cousins,my friends. All supportive, fun, strong, caring, protective, and sensitive people. The type of men who were always showing love. Im 23 now, and am still surrounded by good men. Andrew, Jason, Arlen, etc. To all of you guys - you are the heros, the ones who get it, and the ones I hope the world looks up to and learns from.


From the mouths and hearts of those broken...

"I didn't tell you for so long because I didn't want it to change the way you thought of me."

"Ive never told anyone or said it outloud because then it would be real."

"I thought that If there really was a god, why would he let this happen to me?"

"I forgot how to feel. It was like I was numb. I dissapeared. I didn't even go out in public anymore."

to violate a friend

Who are you, so handsome
to overpower me
when I say stop?
to hold me down
to kiss my face

dont tell me its okay
as if this was what i wanted
just go.

You were a good one
so I thought
with a smile that made me laugh outloud
and no one will ever know
because to speak the words make it real.

This can't be real.

And you walk away like nothing happened
like you weren't wrong.
with no guilt
no consequence
who were you to decide?

...to violate a friend...

When you pass me, keep your eyes on the floor
because I will always look you in the eye.

And someday I will find my voice.
Someday you will shrink to size.

Its the small people who crave power.